Chicken Soup for Christmas
by Havalubee
Summary: A Yogscast One-Shot. Kim's been bedridden with a terrible cold, and on Christmas Eve too! She requests some nice, hot chicken soup, but to Lalna's dismay, chicken could not be found. After a heartwarming (or not) reunion with his peace-treaty friends Rythian and Sjin, the trio go to find chickens, and ultimately make chicken soup for Kim.


Kim coughed again, the wheezes racking her sick body, and sniffed. "Ugh," she moaned. "Why do I have to be sick on Christmas Eve?"

Lalna looked up from his newspaper. He was sitting next to Kim's bed and wore a disapproving frown. "Do you think it's easy for me to be your caretaker? I have machines I need to tend to, and you're sick because you decided to go ice skating in your regular clothes. I know that the weather isn't cold from where you're from, but it doesn't apply here. When you go outside, you must wear a few layers at the least. Jeez…"

"Sorry," mumbled Kim. She looked up at the ceiling. "It's my first winter here, okay? Chill out. I'll get better soon."

"Not at this rate," Lalna sighed. "You need to sleep."

"Fine, but I'm hungry."

The scientist huffed impatiently. Never before had he had to take care of a sick person, and never again did he want to do it. "What do you want to eat?"

"I heard that chicken soup is good for sick people. How about chicken soup?"

Lalna nodded and stood up. Setting down his newspaper, he said, "I'll be right back. Try to get some rest, and stay in bed!"

"Bye," Kim called after Lalna as he descended the stairs.

Lalna slammed down the last crystal chest in frustration. "I have everything in the fucking world, but I don't have chicken!?" He moaned and took the teleporters down to the courtyard. "I'll just have to find some chickens then. God, this is annoying as hell…"

When Lalna activated his computer and typed in the controls to open the big front doors, two familiar friends stood outside with big grins plastered onto their faces. One wore an orange space suit and a magnificent beard, and the other wore mage robes, a dark purple scarf, and had brown hair with a blonde hair tuft.

"Sjin. Rythian," Lalna greeted them uncertainly. Never in his whole lifetime did he expect his two biggest nemeses in front of his castle, together, and with… "Are those presents you're holding?"

"Hm?" Sjin looked down and quickly hid a brightly wrapped package behind his back, but it was too big to hide behind his skinny frame. Rythian snapped his fingers softly and the purple wrapped present disappeared in thin air. Lalna discreetly rolled his eyes. Magic.

"What are you two doing here? I was just going out to get chicken," Lalna said nonchalantly. Even though the threesome made a pact of peace, there was always some sort of tension between them.

"Um, what?" asked Rythian. "You have a castle, a giant telescope and a big set of double doors, and you don't have chicken?"

"That's exactly what I was going to say," replied Lalna. "I just don't eat too much."

"Well, we were just here to wish you a happy Christmas," said Sjin. "That's okay, right?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Lalna said. "But where were you two during my Christmas party last night?"

Sjin and Rythian exchanged worried glances that Lalna caught with suspicion. "We were both busy," Sjin supplied with a nervous laugh.

"I was helping Zoey collect cocoa beans, if that helps any," Rythian added. He reached into his pocket and drew out a few dark beans. "See?"

Lalna nodded, but Sjin looked jumpy to him. "What about you, Sjin? What were you doing?"

"I was on holiday with Sips," Sjin said confidently. "We went back to Fort Crappington."

The scientist looked at Sjin shrewdly. "Okay," he said slowly. "Well, Happy Christmas, I guess. Were those presents for me?"

Sjin blushed heavily. "Well… mine was actually for Kim. Where is she?"

"Yeah, mine was for Kim too," Rythian said. "Is she on holiday?"

Lalna shook his head and said, "No, she's sick. I'm out to get chicken for chicken soup. Didn't you get me any presents?"

Both Rythian and Sjin looked sheepish. "Well… no," Sjin said softly.

"We kinda forgot about you," Rythian said helpfully. "It's not that we didn't get you a present of anything to spite you, it's just that we forgot."

"You came to _my_ castle with presents for Kim, and you forgot who the owner of the castle is?" Lalna exploded. "What the actual fuck?"

"That sounds about right," said Rythian, scratching his hair. Sjin nodded enthusiastically, oblivious to Lalna's indignation.

"That's bullshit," Lalna muttered. Then he spoke up. "Well, you two can help me find some chickens. That's the least you two can do."

Rythian shrugged. "Fair enough."

Sjin nodded and set his present down. "The least we can do? Lalna, we'll even help you make the chicken soup!" He gave Lalna a boyish grin. "I love chicken soup!"

"Chicken soup is the best," Rythian agreed. "Let's go find some chickens!"

After several minutes of searching, the three great powers of Tekkitopia did not find a single chicken.

Rythian kicked a rock, and the stone bounced off the hill they stood on. "This is ridiculous."

Sjin sat down on the ground. "God, I'm hungry now. Do you have any chicken?"

Lalna sighed exasperatedly. "Please. Don't."

"Oh, okay. Party pooper," Sjin muttered.

"Are there any chickens around?" Rythian wondered aloud.

Sjin smiled. "Maybe they all migrated south."

"Don't be an idiot…" Lalna snapped. "If they did then how would the Jaffa Factory…" Then he stopped. "The Jaffa Factory…"

"They have chickens for their eggs!" Sjin piped up. "Great idea, Lalna!"

"Whoa whoa whoa," said Rythian. "We aren't stealing _chickens_ from Honeydew Inc. That's too absurd."

"Now you're the party pooper," Sjin huffed. "They're on holiday anyways. Icaria, wasn't it? Either way, they won't notice a few chickens missing, right?"

"We'll give them something in return for the chickens," Lalna promised. "Come on, Rythian. We've all stolen from each other before. What's a few chickens going to do?"

"Fine, fair enough," said Rythian. "Let's hurry though."

Sjin sprang up from the grass. "To the Factory!"

"I can't wait to see it again," Lalna said, grinning.

"Why didn't you tell me that Honeydew Inc. was deserted?" Rythian fumed. Lalna and Sjin grinned.

"It was funnier if you didn't know," said Sjin. He looked at the egg building doubtfully. "I don't have any idea if chickens are still in this dump. We deserted it a long time ago."

"The Jaffa Factory's income skydived," Lalna added, "And Honeydew and Xephos fired themselves and started Site Bee."

"Site Bee wasn't the most successful idea either."

"And now they're daydreaming about going to the moon."

"Idiots," said Sjin.

"Idiots," Lalna agreed.

"Idiots," Rythian finished.

"Fucking idiots," they all said in unison.

"Well, let's go check it out anyways," Lalna shrugged. "Maybe there are still some chickens."

As they drew closer to the white building, they heard a multitude of clucking.

"Now we know there are chickens," Lalna said. "Let's get a few out." He reached for the latch.

"No—!" Rythian and Sjin both cried together, but it was too late.

Lalna's hand lifted the latch, and a wave of feathers and beaks washed over the scientist, drowning him in a sea of chicken.

"Rythian! Sjin! Help!" he gasped over the flying chickens. "There's millions of them!"

"Not another chicken incident," Rythian muttered.

Sjin smiled as he watched a group of chickens tug at Lalna's lab coat. "You can say that it was quite a…_ chickcident._"

"Oh my God…" Rythian said. He chuckled at the pun. "I guess we both had our share of them."

"Guys? Help?" Lalna asked. He pulled a chicken off his hair and kicked one off his boots, only to have another chicken peck at his goggles. "Please?"

Sjin and Rythian drew their swords. "He's hopeless," said Rythian.

"I'm in the mood for some chicken," Sjin said with an evil grin.

Lalna tugged two armfuls of headless chickens as Sjin and Rythian bounded behind him. After they had saved Lalna from the chickcident, they made him carry the whole loot home. The sun was coming down, just in time for dinner. Lalna hoped that Kim didn't miss him too much.

"You're still going to help me cook the chicken soup, right?" Lalna asked them.

"You should be a good cook, Lalna. You can do it yourself," Sjin grinned.

"Yeah, don't you make your own beer or something?" Rythian asked. "You'll be fine."

"I can't cook! And didn't you promise me that you'll help me with cooking? As a Christmas present?" Lalna asked indignantly.

Sjin's grin only grew bigger. "Let's just say that saving you from your stupidity was your Christmas present, eh?" Rythian nodded in agreement.

"It wasn't too easy to free you from your fowl predicament," he joked.

"You little fucks…" Lalna muttered under his breath.

They entered Lalna's castle, and Sjin and Rythian hung around the courtyard as Lalna lugged the chickens through the teleporters before leading them though Kim's tower to the main tower. As they tiptoed past his sleeping apprentice, Sjin and Rythian dropped their presents at the end of Kim's bed.

"Do you even have a kitchen?" Rythian asked as he looked at the machines. Lalna shook his head and pried Sjin off his chests.

"No, I don't usually cook things. Perhaps prepare the occasional meal, but all my food was either condensed," he shuddered, "or cooked by Kim."

"Ah," Sjin nodded wisely. "That explains why you don't eat a lot."

"What do you mean?" Rythian asked, looking at the two scientists in confusion.

Sjin shrugged, "Besides pumpkin pie, Kim…"

"… isn't a great cook," Lalna finished.

"Oh," Rythian said slowly. "Well, let's clear an area where we can set up the cooking supplies. Sjin, go find some salt and pepper. Lalna, clean up and cook the chicken, will you? I'll go find some vegetables. Meet back here in twenty minutes."

"Why do I end up getting the hardest job?" Lalna muttered as the other two took off for their duties. "Cleaning chicken my ass! How am I going to do that?"

Lalna looked at the dead chickens that he hauled in. They were all beheaded, but their blood stained the wooden floor and flowed freely through around the machines. They were still feathered, and Lalna shivered.

"I'm a fucking scientist, not a culinary chef," he growled. Grabbing a chicken neck, he started to de-feather the bird.

It was a living nightmare. Soon, Lalna was sticky with blood and covered in feathers. Chicken down matted his hair and clung on to his lab coat, and some even found their way into his boots and gloves. Blood splattered his googles, and his blonde head was stained in warm red blood.

"Lalna, I found—" Sjin stopped in mid-speech and howled in laughter. Rythian came storming up to see the commotion, and he also chuckled at Lalna's hideous appearance.

"You look like you came from the Nether," he said mildly, trying not to laugh outright. Sjin wiped away his tears and giggled nervously. He held up the salt and pepper.

"I have the seasonings."

"And I have the vegetables," Rythian said. "Carrots and celery. What could be better? I see you have the chicken all ready."

"Uh, yeah," Lalna said. He held up a bloody chicken. "Here."

Sjin clucked like the chicken Lalna was holding if it was still alive. "You have no idea how to cook chicken soup, do you?"

Lalna shook his head, and Sjin's shoulder's slumped. "God, this is going to take forever."

"Do you have a knife?" Rythian asked.

Lalna shrugged and said, "I have guns, but knives? No, I don't think so."

Rythian growled in frustration. "Then we will just have to use our swords. My sword is magic, and it will affect the chicken if I cut it. Sjin?"

Sjin unsheathed his steel sword and offered it to Rythian. "Here."

Rythian took the sword hilt and balanced it in his hand. Then he turned to Lalna. "The chicken, if you will."

Lalna tossed the chicken to Rythian, who caught it in one hand, wincing slightly as more blood rolled down the meat and stained his bandages.

To Lalna and Sjin's surprise, Rythian threw the chicken up into the air. The two watched as the chicken was sliced into pieces as Rythian swung Sjin's sword so fast that the blade was not visible. Blood and guts rained down on Lalna and Sjin, but Rythian's magic held the meat in place and slid neatly into a bowl Rythian had prepared.

"Magic: 1, Science: 0," said Rythian smugly as he wiped blood from his hands. Then he proceeded to do the same with the carrots and celery: throwing them up in the air, slicing them, and levitating them into the bowl.

"We need water," Sjin said, ignoring Lalna's look of outrage. "Do you have any buckets?"

"In the chests," Lalna said. Rythian nodded and took a teleporter down to the lower levels. Sjin whistled lowly and smirked at Lalna.

"He is something, isn't he?" Sjin yawned, stretching his back like a cat. Then he said seductively, "If he wasn't in love with Zoey, I would had marked him as my territory ages ago."

"You're in love with Rythian?" Lalna said incredulously. "That doesn't make any sense."

"I _used _to," Sjin corrected Lalna. "I'm perfectly happy with my little Nilesy, as you very well know. But before I met Nilesy, yes I did have a very large crush on Rythian."

"Then why did you—?"

"Ah, ah, ah. I can't tell you all my motives, now can I?" Sjin teased playfully, but Lalna saw the insane evil behind the cheerful façade. "I love seeing Rythian's reactions. They were oh so cute!" Then his face darkened. "But when he threatened to kill me, that's when it stopped, and things got serious." Then he smiled like a little boy. "But now we are best friends!"

"Great," Lalna mumbled. "Just fucking great."

"I have the water!" Rythian said, appearing through the teleporter. "Do you have anything to heat it up?

"I have a flint and steel," Sjin offered. As he passed the tools over to Rythian, who quickly built a fire, Lalna's suspicion flared up like the flames under the pot.

"Okay, now we just need the water to boil… then we can add the chicken." Rythian stopped and looked at Sjin and Lalna. "You two okay?"

Lalna broke his stare at Sjin before the astronaut could notice. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit tired."

"Hm, okay then. Oh, the water's boiling. That was fast. Sjin, can I have the chicken?" Rythian turned his head to Sjin, who smiled as he handed the mage the bowl of raw white meat.

"Here ya go, buddy."

"Thanks. You know, I never would've guessed that one day the three of us would cook chicken soup together," Rythian admitted with a shy smile. Lalna and Sjin grinned at each other.

"I guess it is progress," Sjin said.

The three fell silent as they watched the chicken glimmer under the water. Rythian poked a chicken piece with a fork. Then he said, "Vegetables, please."

Lalna passed him the vegetables, and Rythian dumped them into the soup as well. "Seasoning."

Sjin shook salt and pepper into the broth, and the soup thickened and released a calming, delicious scent that wafted through the air. "Mmm…" Sjin said as he took a deep sniff. "That smells good."

"Good news," Rythian said, still looking at the pot. "There's enough for Kim and the three of us."

"That's great!" Lalna said happily. "When will it be done?"

"Once we get some bowls and spoons," replied Rythian with a smile. Sjin saluted soldier-style and ran through the teleporter.

"Got it!"

"Well, someone's hungry," Lalna said as the scientist and mage watched the astronaut disappeared in a swirl of blue smoke.

"We all are," Rythian said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"So how's Zoey?" Lalna prompted him. The mage's eyes lowered, and a shadow fell upon his face.

"She's fine," he replied. "She's getting used to the cyber-arm."

"That's great. If you guys need any help with the arm, or want to upgrade it, I can always—"

"No," Rythian interrupted him. He sighed. "We can manage by ourselves."

Lalna nodded slowly. "Well, okay. What were the cocoa beans for?"

Rythian sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Zoey claims that she needs chocolate milk to survive and power up her cyber-arm. It's a long story really. Don't ask."

"Hey, I got the bowls," Sjin said, interrupting their conversation. "Here." He passed them to Rythian, who evenly poured the chicken soup into the wooden bowls. Then he stood up and handed a bowl to Lalna and Sjin. Rythian held two in his hands.

"Let's go to Kim," he said. "She must be hungry."

"I'm ravenous," Sjin said, looking at his soup hungrily.

"Wait until Kim's woken up," Lalna told him. "Then we can all eat together."

"Like a big fucking family," Rythian added with gusto. "Come on."

Lalna led the way through Kim's tower, and the three silently seated themselves around Kim's bed. His apprentice was still sleeping soundly, and they could all hear her tiny snores from under the covers.

Lalna poked what he thought was her head. "Kim, wake up! I have chicken soup!"

"Yah!" Kim yelped, tearing the red blankets off herself. "That was my bum!"

Rythian and Sjin howled in laughter as Lalna hastily apologized with an extremely red face. Kim crossed her arms. "Jeez, Lalna. You could've been more careful."

"You were under the covers! How was I supposed to know where your head was?" Lalna cried.

"Maybe my head was _near_ the pillows?" Kim said pointedly. Lalna gulped as Rythian and Sjin laughed harder.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I have chicken soup. Will that cheer you up?"

Kim's face brightened. "Chicken soup! Yay!"

Rythian passed a bowl of steaming broth to her. "We made enough for all of us, but sorry that it took a while to get the chicken." He looked at Lalna. "This bastard didn't have any chicken, and we had to raid Honeydew Inc. to get some."

"That's fine," Kim said happily between sips of soup. "As long as you didn't kill anyone for the chickens. You all look terrible, by the way. Especially you, Lalna. You look like an actual chicken."

Lalna shook his head sheepishly. "Let's say that we got in a bit of a—"

"—chickcident," Sjin supplied. Kim laughed at the pun.

"Sure," she smiled. "Thanks, guys. But why are you guys here, Rythian and Sjin?"

Sjin and Rythian slid their presents over to her. "Happy Christmas, Kim!"

Kim's face lit up. "Oh my God, this is so cool! Thank you!"

Rythian chuckled. "Thank us after you see what we got you."

Lalna looked on in anticipation as Kim tore through the wrapping paper that said 'Sjin' all over it. "It's a… what is it?"

"It's a gravity gun," said Sjin. "You can try it out later, but it's pretty cool."

Kim tossed the gravity gun from hand to hand. "It looks so cool! Thanks!"

"Think of it as an apology for blowing you up at Sipsco," Sjin grinned. Kim rolled her eyes, but she was still smiling.

"Next up is Rythian's present!" She ripped through the purple wrapping. "It's a… compass?"

"Thaumometer. Lalna can tell you more about it later. Consider it a gift from one mage to another," Rythian said with a wink.

"Oh my God, it's so cool! Thank you!"

"That's what you said to Sjin's gift," Lalna said laughingly. Kim pursed her lips.

"Well, it's true! But thanks, you two!"

"What did you get Kim, Lalna?" Sjin asked the scientist. Lalna smiled and threw her a gun. It looked very familiar to one he always used.

"Wow, my very own portal gun! Cool!" Kim exclaimed. She looked at the three with big shining eyes. "Thanks, all of you! You guys made my Christmas the best!"

Lalna, Sjin and Rythian exchanged a glance at each other, and all three of them silently agreed that doing the simplest things together was a true adventure, and bonding together for a single cause was better than any bitter victory.

**A/N: This was written for Dawnladyofshadows for a secret Santa thing on Tumblr! It was received well by others, so I thought that maybe the rest of you guys could enjoy it too. Here's to Christmas! Happy Holidays!**

**Havs, out!**


End file.
